"Why Can't I Just Whine?"

A friend who is going through a rough time right now, expressed that she just wanted to “whine”. Haven’t we all felt that way at times? I know that I have told my (patient) husband many times, “Just let me VENT!” And it is often healthy to express yourself verbally, to acknowledge your feelings. A good cry can be cleansing, even cathartic. But tempting as it is to howl, grumble or complain about our problems, we all eventually have to answer the question honestly for ourselves--How helpful is WHINING?

I have found that continuing to dwell upon all that is wrong, satisfying as that might be, doesn’t help me to solve my problems. Sure, I may feel hurt, disheartened, overwhelmed or betrayed.  But keeping my focus on how I currently feel about my situation creates stagnation and perpetuates the negativity surrounding my circumstances.  

It doesn’t help me to find solutions, to create new realities, or to heal. I just get stuck in the “I don’t like where I am right now” mode. And when I am concentrating on how bad things are, I am not taking the necessary steps to make things any better for myself. And I could even be making them worse. Time spent focused on my problems, is time stolen from their solutions.

If you really need to vent, find a quiet place and have an honest conversation with God. He can take it! Pour out your fears, your troubles, your pain, even your anger. Pick up your Bible and you will find many kindred spirits there! It is full of stories of people just like us, needing comfort, solace, deliverance, harmony and peace.

“O Lord, from the depths of despair I cry for your help:  ‘Hear me!  Answer!  Help me!”

                                                                                                                                    Psalms 130:1-2

Talk things out with a trusted, loving, faithful friend. And be sure to listen to their observations of the situation; they may be much more objective than you are at the moment. (God may have put them in your path with a message)!

And when you are spent, weary from unleashing all that emotion, then take a deep breath, and leave your burdens at the altar of the Lord. Acknowledge that you need God’s help to move forward with a workable solution that will help you to change your current situation. Trust the PROCESS! Revelation, insight, change, often come more slowly than we would like. It is important to be faithful, to be patient, to be humble. These are the lessons of this particular journey. Learn them well, or you will find yourself repeating them often!

Just wallowing in the pain and misery won’t improve your reality one bit. And you are going to stay there even longer if you refuse to move past feeling sorry for yourself. Plus, you run the risk of alienating the very people around you who may be able to aid you in making forward progress.  

When we are first hurt by someone, or some circumstance, we often feel victimized, and perhaps we are. But continuing to feel like a victim is a very destructive pattern of behavior. The attention and sympathy of others can be extremely seductive. All of us enjoy empathy and understanding from those around us. But if you allow yourself to fall into the trap of casting yourself in the victim role for too long, you will hamper your efforts at healing and you may even drive away the very people who are trying to help you.

Even those closest to us tend to lose patience if we are obsessive, immersed in self-pity and/or stop trying to help ourselves. It gets very old, very quickly, trying to assist someone who refuses to accept responsibility, won’t take advice and won’t at least attempt to move forward in a positive direction.

So “whine” for a moment if you must! But move quickly into developing a plan of action that will propel you towards a brighter, happier future. It all starts with a decision, a CHOICE, and that choice is yours and yours alone to make.  

But you are NEVER alone in the process! God gives you the freedom, the power to choose your attitude and where you will put your faith. And he gives you the strength to continue to walk your path towards your destiny. Seek your answers in prayer, regularly, and they will be provided to you as you need them, in perfect timing.  

TRUST the PROCESS! It is the foundation of your lesson! Trust and fear not, doubt not, deliverance is coming! Like the song by Third Day says, “There’s a light at the end of this tunnel for you”.  Your answers are coming. Stay prayerful and faithful. Find joy in the little things around you while you wait for guidance, for wisdom, for understanding, for direction.

“Therefore I prayed and understanding was given me; I called upon God, and the spirit of wisdom came upon me”.    

                                                                                                                                        Wisdom 7:6

Life is one meaningful lesson after another. And the challenges, the dark periods of our lives, teach us much more than than the easy, joyful times. If you are facing your own particular challenge right now, then don’t think that you are being punished! Think instead that God is working to mentor you, to mold you into the person you were destined to be! His attention is focused on you right now--ask yourself why! What is it that you are supposed to learn? Try to be a willing, even a grateful, student!  God has found something worthwhile in you that he is trying to nurture.  

Acknowledge your pain, your fear. Communicate your feelings by talking about them, venting, even whining! But then, move quickly into the role of obedient scholar. Remember that you are a manifestation of God’s spirit here on earth. Cheerfully accept the role of “apprentice”, of God’s “representative in training”.

All lessons, all skills, all jobs, take work and practice in order to learn them well. This is your time! You are in training! God is working with you right now! How will you participate in this process? Will you spend your time whining, or learning? Which choice do you think will move you more quickly towards the joyful, peaceful reality that you seek?  

It has been said that “Perception is Reality”. Make your reality one of cheerful obedience. Look for the message, the lesson hidden within your challenge. When you stop concentrating on all that is wrong in your life, and start looking for the good you can derive from it (and the good you can offer to others), you will find that your circumstances no longer have the power to control your mind, your thoughts, your emotions, and your attitude.  The pain, the frustration, the anger, give way to peaceful acceptance, to joyful obedience, to a hopeful outlook.

And I promise, that feels a whole lot better and accomplishes so much more, than WHINING ever does!

“Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them.”

                                                                                                                                         Isaiah 30:20

Deborah J. Thompson is a writer, artist and Stephen Minister. Please visit her websitewww.inspiredreflections.info, for additional "Reflections" on Life and Marriage. She has just finished the first draft of her first book, Your Life, Your Choice, which gives 5 simple steps to bring more Love, Joy and Peace into your life.

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