Are You Building Respect in Your Relationships?

Respect is an important component in any mutually beneficial relationship whether it is marital, friendship, family or business. Fortunately, you have the power to build respect by the way in which you conduct your life.

Ask yourself, whose opinions do you value most--those people you merely love, or those for whom you feel a sense of respect?

We can love people without respecting them. But we are less likely to listen to them, to take their advice, and to highly regard and honor their viewpoints, if we don't.

Take a quick inventory of the people in your life that you respect. Now analyze WHY you respect them. I would venture to say that they probably share many of the following characteristics:

1.   

They keep their word. They are honorable, dependable, trustworthy people who don't lie, even if the truth is sometimes hard to hear. They don't cheat or steal in their business or personal lives. Their word is their bond, so they don't make promises lightly and will spare no effort to fulfill their commitments.

2.    They practice restraint. They don't lose their tempers, scream, yell or strike out against others when things aren't going their way. They don't over-indulge in alcohol, gambling, etc., or exhibit other obsessive behaviors. And when the inevitable negative things in life DO happen to them, they maintain a positive outlook, "Trusting the Process" and knowing that we ALL experience both ups AND downs, and that our peace and joy are determined by how we handle both.

3.    They guide, teach and lead by example. They have an innate sense of right and wrong and always strive to stay on the proper side of "right". They keep their egos in check and while they may be self-assured, they are not self-centered. They are confident without being "cocky", and seem to have a healthy sense of their place in the universe. And while they may not be overtly religious, their spirituality is still evident. They know there is a God and they are NOT it!

4.    They don't give up easily. They are not afraid of failure and have the courage and stamina to keep doing what they know is right, even if it is unpopular, or not immediately successful. They don't let fear dictate their actions and they don't allow setbacks to halt their progress.

5.    They admit when they are wrong. They take responsibility for their actions and don't try to blame others or the circumstances. They forgive easily and say, "I'm sorry" just as easily.

6.    They show compassion and respect for others. They know how to "agree to disagree" and even if someone's behavior is not worthy of respect, they find a way to share their wisdom without demeaning the other person.

7.    They never stop learning. They aren't lazy and will continually strive to keep themselves up-to-date on current events, technology, changes within their field and other activities, hobbies, sports, etc., that may interest them. Consequently, their wisdom comes from knowledge and experience among multiple topics and is therefore fresh, well-informed and contemporary. While education/experience from years ago may still be relevant, knowing that they don't "rest on their laurels" imparts a deeper level of believability and enhances their reliability.

8.    They have their priorities in the right order. They are hard workers, but their jobs do not rule their lives and neither does their quest for money. They know that money doesn't make people happy and they strive to cultivate rich, nurturing and loyal relationships, which are more important to them than bank accounts. Whether they are wealthy or have limited financial resources, they cherish and appreciate the real assets of their lives—blessings that no amount of money can buy.

Now that you have identified WHY you respect certain people in your life, it is time to turn the mirror on yourself. Would others use these traits to describe you?

If you want to have a positive influence on your family, friends, spouse, children,

co-workers, etc., then it is up to you to adopt these characteristics. For no matter how much others may love you and have fun being with you, they will never take you seriously if they don't respect you and your point of view. In order to have any credibility, you must purposely direct your thoughts, words and actions towards becoming the kind of person that others can rely upon to impart worthwhile counsel.

Think about it--If your life does not exemplify values that are important to others, then why SHOULD they respect you, listen to you, seek your advice or value your opinion?

Parents often complain that their children don't honor their teachings. And yes, kids will go through naturally rebellious stages in the process of determining who they want to be as individuals. But those parents who are the most successful at guiding their children through the difficult phases of growing up, are the ones who manage to instill RESPECT in their kids from an early age. And respect is imparted by CONSISTENTLY maintaining the values outlined above. By demonstrating that “No” means “NO”, not--“until you wear me down”. By remembering that your goal is to raise a strong, principled, productive ADULT, not a Child. And by keeping in mind that your job is not to please your children or to be their friend. Rather it is to be a Role-model, a Teacher, a Mentor, and an Instructor. Think about the Educators from your past that you value the most now as an adult. Chances are, they were the ones who maintained the important boundaries between Teacher and Student. They weren’t the easiest Teachers and you couldn’t “skate” through their class. They challenged you to rise about “adequate” and strive to always do your best. They nurtured, coached and encouraged you to live up to your potential, demonstrating that they cared about you and supported you--but they weren’t your “friend”. Bear in mind, your children may not always agree with you, but you are more likely to be viewed as a credible source of information if they respect you and the example that you set for them. And they are more likely to return to your teachings as they grow older, if they have reverence for you and the life you model for them. 

Additionally, marital difficulties repeatedly arise when couples do not respect one another. Infidelity, rudeness, insensitivity, thoughtlessness and other discourteous and destructive behaviors would not occur if sincere respect and genuine regard for one another were present. Think about the couples you admire most. They speak to each other in loving tones. They don’t embarrass or demean the other. They are warm, tender, even-tempered, and forgiving. The respect they show one another is visibly apparent to anyone in their presence.

And consider the bosses and co-workers you look up to and appreciate. They expect you to do your job, work hard and be a productive member of the team. Yet, they are pleasant, considerate, respectful people. They can point out your mistakes without humiliating you. They don’t discredit you when you are not around. They share their knowledge generously, guiding and teaching with patience, understanding and compassion. So regardless of the association you share with others, respect is the cornerstone of any truly successful relationship.

Therefore, if you want to foster prosperous, thriving connections and set a good example for those who share your world, perhaps you would be wise to embody the characteristics that will help you to develop and mature into a person who garners not only love and acceptance, but respect as well. Some say, "with age comes wisdom", but remember—that only works if you embrace and incorporate what you learn along the way!

"Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance." ~ Titus 2:2

Deborah J. Thompson is a writer, artist and Stephen Minister. Her articles are published by Crosswalk.com and "The Fish" family of Christian radio station websites around the country. She shares "Reflections" on Life and Marriage on her website, www.inspiredreflections.info. And she is working on her first book, Your Life, Your Choice, which gives 5 simple steps to harness the power of your choices and bring more Love, Joy and Peace into your life. Join her on Facebook and Twitter/InspireReflect.

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When One Spouse Travels--5 Steps for Keeping the Peace

Today's economy is having more of an impact on families than just their income levels. In many cases, one spouse now has to travel in order to get or keep, a job. This can affect their marriage and family in ways that have the potential to radically change their relationships.

Throughout our marriage, there have been several times when one or the other of us has had to travel extensively. Being away from home brings a whole new set of challenges to a marriage. Household and parental responsibilities fall primarily on the shoulders of one partner. Insecurity, fear and doubt can creep into even the most stable of relationships. Fatigue and erratic schedules wreak havoc on attitudes and moods. And unspoken expectations can erupt into hostile conflicts.

If you or your spouse find yourselves traveling more often, you might find these tips helpful in maintaining the peace and harmony in your home and your marriage.

1. One of the most important things a family can do is to STAY CONNECTED. You can accomplish this in a variety of ways and modern technology has made this easier than ever. Besides just talking on the phone, you can now email, have an on-line chat complete with webcam, use SKYPE, and keep in touch via social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter. These various tools can allow you to see one another while you talk, view the latest photos and even know what your teenager is thinking about at that very moment! It has never been easier to connect with people.

 

This can be an opportunity to get creative! Throughout our marriage, my husband has left me a note on the mirror each morning. These are little messages on post-a-notes that remind me he is thinking of me, values and appreciates me. So when one of us is traveling, he sends an email with "Note on the Mirror" as the subject line. That way, I never have to miss my morning affirmation.

The main point is to make the effort to keep the traveling spouse connected and a part of the family's life. Be sure to share the good along with the bad! Make the conversations as normal as possible, but guard against making them feel guilty for being gone. "I miss you and wish you were here" is understandable and even welcomed, but statements that start with, "If you weren't gone all the time…" should be avoided.

1. All marriages need to be built on a foundation of TRUST. But when 

one partner is often away from home; even the strongest bonds of trust are put to the test. They are having new experiences without you and meeting new people that you don't know. So it is imperative that you voice any worries or concerns. Bring them out into the open so that as a couple, you can discuss them and reassure one another. Reinforce your commitment to each other and your marriage vows and be trustworthy yourself. Both of you need to avoid compromising situations where your personal integrity could be called into question. Simple things like making sure that your cell phone is always charged so that if your spouse needs you, they can quickly reach you will go a long way towards fortifying trust.

 

And don't be overly suspicious! If you don't believe that you can trust your spouse, then the traveling is NOT your problem!  Bottom-line: Whether you are the traveling partner or the one who stays at home—TRUST each other and DON'T BREACH IT!

1. Traveling can also cause a change in RESPONSIBILITIES and even a

shift in the BALANCE OF POWER. Guard against becoming resentful and blaming one another for these new duties and obligations. It is important to decide "who does what now" and to support one another with these changing roles. You can still discuss and make joint decisions on major issues, but day-to-day choices must be made by the spouse/parent that is "on site" and you can't undermine their efforts by second-guessing them. Just because they didn't handle things exactly the way that you would have doesn't make them wrong! FLEXIBILITY is the key here—there is more than one way to accomplish a task. So try to remember what is truly important here—your relationship, NOT how they trimmed the shrubs or where they had the oil changed in the car.

 

If you do have a serious preference (and a GOOD reason), for doing something a certain way, then don't criticize how they did it. Instead, lovingly share WHY you prefer they do it another way IN THE FUTURE. Most of the time, it is too late to change what they have already done. Don't forget--this is YOUR spouse doing the BEST they can, so be KIND, HELPFUL, and GRATEFUL, not CRITICAL and JUDGMENTAL. This is no time to be nitpicky about unimportant details! You can't be overly controlling and expect your spouse to cheerfully pick up the slack when you are not there. You are supposed to be PARTNERS here! So get comfortable with the fact that ROLES ARE GOING TO CHANGE!

1. Spend time in their environment--Go visit them! Use this chance to experience a new place together. Go by yourself and have a romantic get-away even if you never leave the hotel! And on another occasion, take the kids and have a mini family vacation. This not only makes it more fun for all of you, but it takes the mystery and mystique out of where they are spending their time. It gives you a chance to meet some of the people they may talk about and makes you feel more a part of their new "world". It's a great way to turn a negative situation into a positive experience for the whole family.

1. What happens when you ARE home? It may feel like you are a visitor in your own home. Schedules may be different than before, the family "rules" may have changed and you may not even feel needed anymore. Bear in mind that in the beginning there will be a transition period where you and your spouse determine what is most important and what works for both of you. Issues of parenting, budgets, and household chores need to be clearly discussed and agreed upon, taking BOTH of your views, limitations, and time constraints into account.

 

And if you are the "stay-at-home" spouse, take care not to over-schedule. It is very tempting to have an extensive "honey-do" list waiting for your traveling spouse when they finally arrive home. Chores and duties that they generally handle can pile up in their absence and become overwhelming for them. Plus, just trying to accomplish all these tasks takes valuable time away from being together with the family. Give some serious thought to hiring a lawn service, a cleaning service, a handy-man, etc., so that these types of activities don't dominate the precious little time you may have together. Refrain from dumping all the "problems" on them either. Don't use the old, "Wait until your Father gets home" threat!

 

Additionally, traveling can take a physical and emotional toll on our bodies, so your spouse may need some time to REST and DECOMPRESS. They need to be able pursue their hobbies and interests and also to spend time with other family members and friends as well. It is important to achieve a BALANCE with the demands on their time and to remember that this is supposed to be their "time off" as well.

 

And be sure to make time for intimacy as a couple. The two of you need to reinforce your relationship and commitment so that the stresses and changes brought about by the traveling don't undermine the foundation of your marriage.

 

It is important that you both ENJOY the visit. Find a way to accomplish the "chores" involved with running a household and raising children, while still having FUN together as a family and as individuals.

Couples who are able to successfully navigate through these various issues have the ability to strengthen their family ties and develop skills and talents that may have been hidden. But it requires flexibility, commitment, trust, support and understanding.  The spouse that stays at home may have added responsibilities but the traveling spouse has additional stressors also. They are away from their home, their comfortable bed, their loved ones and their support system. They are spending countless hours in airports affected by uncertain airline schedules and weather issues. They are trying to navigate traffic in unfamiliar cities and adapting to working with (and for), new people. So be empathetic on BOTH sides; it isn't easy for either of you!

However, you may find that traveling forces you to do a better job of communicating and can actually enhance your relationship by requiring you to rely on, trust and respect one another's abilities as well as reassessing your family's' priorities. Changes are never easy in life, but they often enrich and improve us in ways we never expected.

So embrace this period and use it to learn, grow and strengthen yourselves, your marriage and your family. You just may find that you love and appreciate one another more than you realized.

Deborah J. Thompson is a writer, artist and Stephen Minister. Her articles are published by Crosswalk.com and "The Fish" family of Christian radio station websites around the country. She shares "Reflections" on Life and Marriage on her website, www.inspiredreflections.info. And she is working on her first book, Your Life, Your Choice, which gives 5 simple steps to harness the power of your choices and bring more Love, Joy and Peace into your life. Join her on  Facebook and Twitter/InspireReflect.

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Seek God First

It's official--the holiday season is OVER! Reality has set in--Back to Work, School, etc. This is where the "rubber" of our INTENTIONS meets the "road" of our lives! How will you stay focused and on target?

"Seek first God's kingdom and what God wants. Then all your other needs will be met as well." Matthew 6:33

"Seek God first" is the best place to start--everything else will fall into place if you follow that ONE path. Seek God's will for you in EVERY decision, ALL THROUGHOUT THE DAY--NOT just during your morning devotion.

Many of us set aside time for prayer and devotion and then end our communication with God for the day feeling as if we have done enough. We leave God behind when we go out into the world.

Pay attention to your actions each day. Are you behaving in a Godly manner? 

Are you courteous to clerks, waiters, flight attendants, janitors and others who serve you? Are you sharing joy and a peaceful attitude with those who cross your path?

Do you expect things to work out for the best, or are you “on-guard” for someone to try to take advantage of you?

Are you so caught up in where YOU need to be that you refuse to let someone pull out into traffic in front of you?

When you find yourself faced with a choice to spend time with loved ones or pursue another activity--what do you choose? Why? Is that reason in line with God’s will?

Are you ruthless in your business negotiations? Do you take pride in being “firm” and “tough”?

Do you find yourself often impatient and annoyed with family and friends? Do you make yourself available to be there for their needs?

Are you critical and quick to condemn or do you first attempt to understand and forgive?

What are you doing to respect the “temple” of your body? Are you honoring God’s gift to you by making healthy choices?

Do you have a "servant" or "master" mentality in your associations with others?

Would people describe you as “kind” and “thoughtful” or are you so preoccupied with your individual goals and tasks that you don’t take time for the little courtesies of life?

Do you TRUST and OBEY God? Do you TRUST HIS PROCESS, his TIMING, and the way that he allows things in your life to unfold?

It is impossible to follow God's will if your primary focus is on yourself. And we demonstrate where our priorities really are with each little decision we make and each interaction we have with others.

"Yes, just as you can identify a tree by its fruit, so you can identify people by their actions. Not everyone who calls out to me, 'Lord, Lord!' will enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Only those who actually do the will of my Father in heaven will enter." Matthew 7:20-21

Recently I had an experience that vividly illustrated this point to me. I was running errands and passed a man on the side of the road in a wheelchair with a sign indicated that he had cancer and was losing his home. I had seen him there weeks before; he was very emaciated and truly looked like he was dying. I was moved by his appearance and had even given him $5 that day.

And as I drove past him this time on my way to the gas station, I was struck with an overwhelming urge to give him money again. While pulling my credit card out of my wallet to pump the gas, I reached for a five-dollar bill thinking I would stop on my way back and give him that. But a powerful impulse compelled me to pull out a twenty instead. Those two bills, coupled with a few ones, were all I had in my wallet at the time. I looked up and had a little conversation with God about what to do. The instinct to give twenty instead of five was SO strong, that I yielded to that “voice” and gave him the twenty. 

My next stop was at the pharmacy where I had to pick up some prescriptions as well as various other items. For some reason, I decided to get the prescriptions first and then shop for the other things we needed. When I paid for them the clerk stapled my receipt, along with a coupon, to the bag.

I picked up the other items I needed and went to the front to pay. As I was getting my debit card out of my purse, I sat my prescription bag on the counter. The clerk who was checking me out saw the coupon and suggested that I use it. I hadn’t really paid any attention to it, and thanked her for noticing. Can you guess what happened next? 

The coupon turned out to be for TWENTY DOLLARS!

 I don’t know about you, but I have NEVER before (or since), been given a $20 coupon at a pharmacy, or anywhere else for that matter!

Listening to God’s voice, trusting and obeying had proven to be a blessing to both the man I had helped and also to me. And I received something greater than my $20 back--I learned a valuable lesson about staying connected to God throughout my day and turning to him for each little decision. 

Have I mastered this skill? Not at all, but I’m learning. So as we all transition back into the reality of our daily lives--together, let’s strive to "Seek God first" and try to stay connected with him ALL DAY. Everything else will follow accordingly. From personal experience, I know that it is not always easy and that I have a lot of work to do. But fortunately, it all starts with this one simple step--”Seek God First”.

"The Lord has told you what is good; he has told you what he wants from you: to do what is right to other people, love being kind to others, and live humbly, obeying your God." Micah 6:8

(Thanks to my friend Violet for the inspiration for this article!) 

(Did you notice the photograph? I was outside with my dogs last week and observed these amazing cloud formations. Something made me look up and there it was--a rainbow, right above my head! The only camera I had with me was my phone, but I thought it showcased the sight pretty well! And little did I know that I would need it the following week for this article--isn’t God AWESOME?!?! May you have a FAITH-FILLED day!)

Deborah J. Thompson is a writer, artist and Stephen Minister. Her articles are published by Crosswalk.com and "The Fish" family of Christian radio station websites around the country. She shares "Reflections" on Life and Marriage on her website, www.inspiredreflections.info

. And she is working on her first book, Your Life, Your Choice, which gives 5 simple steps to harness the power of your choices and bring more Love, Joy and Peace into your life. Join her on  Facebook and Twitter/InspireReflect.

Posted via email from inspirereflect's posterous